It was a beautiful crisp but sunny Michigan fall day, yesterday, and I spent most of it cleaning up the yard: tearing away all the loose dead leaves and plants, pruning shrubs, and pulling out those annoying weeds that seem to spring up faster than the good plant growth I long to see. God has to do that to me, at times; clear away the dead, unfruitful stuff.
I love the colors, the smells, and the clothes of the season - jeans, turtlenecks and sweatshirts. On this day, I enjoyed the solitude, the time to talk to the Lord a while. It was an AWESOME day! He is a great listener, a patient teacher and encourager.
We talked of my "apprehension" about a ministry opportunity, complaining about a lack of qualifications, and he patiently reminded me of His servant, Moses. Moses did great things for God as he walked in obedience, even after complaining about his lack of qualifications. God still sent him, with a helper, though he would miss out on some of the blessings God had planned for him. As is often said, God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. Goodness, he surrounded himself with a bunch of fisherman, tax collectors, and sinners instead of the learned Pharisees and teachers of the law! How humbling it is to think that the all powerful, all knowing, perfect God would choose to use someone broken like me to accomplish his purpose on this earth!
We talked of my fear of rejection and he reminded me that His Son was also rejected. Do I care more about pleasing Him or people?
We talked about my perfectionist attitude; what if a major mistake is made? God reminded me that he is in the process of refining us; through trials, through discipline, through obedience. Not one of us have "arrived"; we are a work in process. He asked me if I would contiue to be clay in His hands, and allow Him to mold me into the vessel He desired so that He could accomplish HIS purpose in and through my life. And he ended our precious time together with this: "Will you allow me to work in the lives of your family and loved ones in the same manner? Trust me."
1 comment:
I'm very happy you had such a nice time with Him today. I usually take my iPod with me when I walk, but some days it's nice to leave it at home. I am reminded again tonight of our similarities. I have major insecurities about being rejected. My first husband left me (14 years ago) for his secretary and married her two months later. I'm grateful to have had to go through the divorce because it initiated this strong relationship I have with Him. I had no other choice but surrender my life to Him or I would have gone crazy, especially with the "rejection". It started way before that. You know how girls can be so mean. I remember being rejected in friendships at an early age. I also struggle with worrying what others think of me. I admire your boldness, Cheryl. You are so right that I should only care what He thinks of me, not what people think! I'm so much better now (about the rejection- He is the ultimate Healer!), but at times it sneaks up out of nowhere. AND... I also have perfectionist tendencies. We serve a perfect God. If I can offer you some encouragement, it would be that... if we make mistakes, and at those times when we are consumed with the "what if's", you and I still have a Savior who will be with us every step of the way. He will never leave or abandon us. What comfort that brings. Sorry to write a book. Keep trusting Him.
Love,
Angie xoxo
p.s. You are doing great things for His Kingdom! Don't let Satan try to tell you anything different!
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